Reflection

I try my best to not have two posts like this back to back, but 2018 was one motherf***er of a year in every imaginable and unimaginable way and there’s no avoiding it. There were tremendous highs and absolute rock bottom lows, and each and every one of them deserves to be acknowledged.

I’ve done myself a disservice by not actually dealing with everything that happened in the last year – I sure as hell haven’t been willingly talking about much or any of it, and I’ve been on a writing hiatus for several months.

Family Relations

In 2018, my immediate family members and I hit an all time low in our relationships. It took one R O U G H sit down with everyone in the living room a few months into this year to finally talk about everything that everyone had been keeping in, but it was worth it.

As a direct result of that long conversation and subsequent work put in by all involved, my family now has pretty darn solid communication with one another, and we are back to truly enjoying each other’s company.

Friendships

There are way too many friendships I haven’t properly tended to in the last few years, and boy did I let some of them slide at the beginning of this year. I would like to thank everyone who has stuck with me through the bad and those who are helping me climb my way back out of the deep, dark hole I dug myself. Y’all are the real deal, solid gold, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the constant support, accountability, and tough love you all show me.

Financial decisions

As I write the heading, I can literally hear the lecture I would get from my financial advisor & grandmother if they knew half of the shit I buy in a month. This last year and a half has been the struggle of me finding a balance between “Treat Yo Self” and living minimally.

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In all transparency, I got myself into a really rough financial spot earlier this year and it was no one’s fault other than my own poor choices. I’m definitely working towards a better balance, but I’ve finally found some kind of stability, which is a great start.

Moving out of my parent’s house

Ok, let’s be realistic, everyone still has SOME of their stuff at their parent’s house, so I’m not completely out of their house. Despite that, I am paying rent and bills on top of the bills I was already paying while living with my parents and I no longer have a bed there. Now, not only do I have my family as a support system, but I have Ryan and Brandon’s support (and shenanigans) day in and day out.

Self Care – Physical

I have been severely neglecting my physical health. I had my last doctor’s appointment in October after neglecting my yearly physical (due in February) for approximately 18 months. In that time where I didn’t have a physical, I had more ER/Urgent care trips than I like to admit, and had a whole collection of not-so-stellar symptoms that impacted not only me but those around me.

Self Care – Mental/Emotional

A major thank you goes to my friends and family members who have been custodians of my health extending all the way back to when I refused to acknowledge there were any issues to begin with.

I hit my lowest low shortly after realizing that the “truth” I had been living for a year was a lie – I knew what I signed up for, and it turned out that what I signed up for was never what I received. It took until the day I walked away to realize just how badly I had my trust taken advantage of. I know that in ways I am still processing that fact, and I also know that I am a long way from being near the end of processing it, but every day I make progress.

 

The Take-aways

This year I truly did learn a lot about myself and the kind of life I want to invest in.

  • I started a new job that is the base of a career that I didn’t anticipate in the slightest, but excites me and constantly provides me opportunities to learn and grow
  • I’ve found myself building a life with another person that is a wonderful adventure filled with growth and challenges
  • I had many friendships renewed and strengthened
  • My family relations are arguably stronger than they have been in a very long time, if not ever
  • I got to travel a lot, and I already have many plans for 2019 that provide me with more balance – spoiler alert, I’m taking a BIG break from Disney trips

I’m anxious and excited to see what happens in 2019, and I know the foundation has been laid for it to be a big year. I look forward to continuing to share it with you all!

Major Life Updates!

The last several months have been a tremendous period of growth in my life, and I’ve finally hit a point where I feel like I’m able to update everyone about what has been going on.

On the 4th of July, I left a severely toxic relationship, assisted by my dad and a friend of mine. Just over a month later I left my job of a year and 10 months for a lot of reasons, including concerns for personal safety, and the deep-seated feeling that it was time to move forward from that in a somewhat scary way.

What I mean by that is that I quit my job with nothing lined up to replace it. I had a lot of long conversations with my parents, brother, and others closest to me, and all were supportive of my decision. Since leaving that job, I have been able to begin to really process everything that has been going on the last few years. Some days were easier, and others were tremendously difficult.

With all the changes, many other plans in my life had been on hold/up in the air. Thankfully, my initial ideas for moving forward in life didn’t work out, and life pushed me in a different direction (read: the right direction). Starting about a month ago, actual tangible decisions regarding moving forward were made. Those simple decisions started a chain reaction that caused every other aspect of my life to sort of fall into place.

At the end of September, I moved out of my parent’s house and into a place with Ryan & Brandon – 2 of the most wonderfully supportive people in my life – which had been in the works since March or so.

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We went into our apartment search with the intent to just view a place on the Tuesday we started physically looking. After seeing it, we realized it was perfect, decided to apply, and were accepted not 2 days later. That Saturday was moving day, which we all made work, despite being out of town the week leading up to it, having no real plan for moving logistically, and having absolutely nothing packed. The 3 of us had planned to move in together sometime in fall of 2018, but it was a whirlwind.

When we moved in, we started with just beds and 2 rolls of toilet paper in the house (thanks dad *facepalm*). Thankfully, I still had all of my kitchen stuff from my apartment in Colorado in the barn, so that came in the next day. In the first week, we had a fully fleshed out cable & internet setup, as well as most of our clothes and “important” things moved, and we established a base pantry stock. We also had our base set of cleaning supplies almost immediately.

From the beginning, Ryan wanted a Roomba so that he wouldn’t ever be stuck with the task of vacuuming. No one wanted to pay for a Roomba. By some miracle, we ended up getting a Roomba from someone that hadn’t been used in awhile; all it needed was to be cleaned and get a replacement battery. $25 and 2 hours later, Ryan has his Roomba!

Within 2 weeks, we pulled just about everything together – got a new couch, moved my bedroom set from my parents, have a kitchen table, have the guest room put together, and I just finished re-staining and re-covering chairs to match the table (barn finds!). We still have a few odds and ends to put together, but they are small convenience pieces.

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Ryan already had a job in town, which was a main driver for the move. Brandon found a job in town within a week of the move, and just finished his last 2 weeks of commuting to work.

At the beginning of this month, I spent a few weeks interviewing for a company that offers career opportunities that excite me. This last week, I got a call offering me the job I had been interviewing for. I was ecstatic!

I still have difficult days, but they are few and far apart now. Part of limiting difficult days is restricting social media. I’ve been spending a lot of time lately considering my use of time on my phone, the way I maintain various social media accounts, how effective I feel certain platforms are, etc.

When I started blogging, I knew the day would come that Facebook would become obsolete for me, and my use of it the last year has felt somewhat forced. Please, be advised that Facebook is getting minimal time from me, and that almost all “updates” will be posts shared via this blog & my Instagram.

For those of you who are interested in staying connected in a “social media” way, subscribing to my blog is a great way to do so. To do that, simply scroll past the Archives and Tags widgets on the right hand side of any post or the home page. Below those sections there are options to either follow via WordPress or simply receive email updates about new posts. I also want to take a moment here and thank everyone who already follows or is subscribed!

If you choose the email route, I highly recommend clicking to open the posts in a browser page as the emails don’t show the formatting correctly.. If you don’t want the emails, bookmarking my home page is another solid way to keep tabs on my blog posts.

Also on the topic of the blog, feel free to leave comments on posts. To avoid spam, I have it set up so that I have to approve comments from new commenters to the blog in general. I approve basically everything, so don’t worry if you don’t see your comment immediately.

I’m grateful for a lot of new beginnings: new living situation, renewed relationships with my family members, a new job that I want to make a career of, a new relationship, and new adventures.

As grateful as I am for all the new, I’m thankful for those who have been there and been supportive – the steadfast group that stayed with me even through the worst.

I have made some progress, but there is still a lot more to come. Here’s to the start of getting back to me – more diligently writing, spending time with the people close to me, and finally starting the Colin quilt(s).

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